As I've gotten older, I've been pretty stressed thinking about my future. It didn't really bother me in high school because I knew my next step in life was going to be college. But now that I'm in college, I don't know what the future holds me for me and that's honestly terrifying. And since I don't know what life path I want to pursue, I really struggle to figure out what to do now major wise.
At Berkeley, through their graduate business school of HAAS, they offer a two year undergraduate B.S. major. However, they only allow a couple hundred students into this program and to be admitted, you have to apply and be accepted. I was inspired by how much I love the business side of my photography passion, so a little over a year ago I decided to apply to this business program. I spent the time to take 5 prerequisite classes and write the application essays and all that. Decisions came out yesterday, and I received the "Thank you for applying, now go away" message.
It genuinely stings to be rejected at anything. I typically avoid admitting to others my personal goals. I want to give the impression that I am succeeding. I want my family to be proud of me. I hate having other people reminding me of my own disappointments. But for something like a undergraduate major, it wasn't something I could keep to myself.
I was in San Francisco for a photoshoot when the HAAS decisions came out. I cried a little in my uber ride back to Berkeley. They were tears of disappointment, but they were mostly tears of fear. I never loved the HAAS program in the first place, but it had been a plan and now I was directionless. I was refused one path, and now I had to pursue a whole new one. Where to start? I don't feel that young anymore and that's stressful.
The difficult parts of life are (definitionally lol) difficult, but they're also the points where you're pushed to grow the most as a person. Here's a few thoughts going through my mind:
1. Rejection doesn't mean that I am undeserving or unqualified
Whether or not this is true, when I encounter rejection, I have to convince myself of this. Otherwise, in the future, I won't put myself "out there" in the first place.
“If you don’t see your worth, you’ll always choose people who don’t see it either. When your self esteem rises, your life follows.” -Mandy Hale
2. Rejection should be motivating.
In this particular instance, I do believe HAAS made a mistake haha. And I would've done great in their program. However, I can believe that it was a mistake to reject me all I want. If I can't pull off success, they will always believe they were right about me. Stakes to achieve are higher now because I have someone to prove wrong.
3. I'm not great with a "boss"
I hate being in a position where other people can refuse me something I want. I want to be my own boss someday. I realize that I just admitted a personal goal to the external world which is contradictory to something I just previously said... Oh well.
